I haven’t been sure how much I wanted to open up about my current project and pitfalls I have fallen into. It requires me being honest about missteps I have taken, or at the very least explaining my thinking and how it has evolved. This is the background to the monthly scene I shared last week, when Maria is alone before the ancestor shrine. So here goes.
For my current WIP, my main character Maria is adopted into a prestigious (non-human) family of telepaths called the Aliannons. My original thought was that there would be a menstrual rite to acknowledge her coming of age. Looking back, my original draft was very much influenced by the Red Tent.
But when I started thinking it over, a menstrual rite doesn’t really make much sense. The main character is 13. In the context of the story, the rite is to make her a member of the family. I at first thought the rite was about bringing her in the family in the role of a woman as opposed to a girl, but that doesn’t make sense: she is still culturally regarded as a child. I started wondering if I was being too literal and influenced by stereotypes of ancient cultures that may not be accurate.
So I stepped back, and asked: what purpose does this ritual serve? Once I did that, the answer was easy: officially bring her in as a member of the family. The Aliannons are polytheistic, practice ancestor worship, and are matrilinear. Being telepaths, they also have a series of strict rituals. (Telepaths are sensitive, so they have developed rituals that the family adheres to in order to make sure the physical, psychic, and spiritual realm are in sync).
In order for her to be considered a member, she would need to taught the family stories, rituals, and expectations. Hence, having a mentor relationship with one of the older members whose job it is to instruct her in all of that makes sense. I already had a mentor relationship with Maria and Tiger, so it made sense to make it official within the family structure. This means Tiger instructing Maria on the family religion, so teaching Maria how to perform ancestor worship and form a relationship with their gods as well as teaching her the cosmology makes perfect sense.
If they practice ancestor worship, asking the ancestors for wisdom before making big decisions would be customary. What decision could be more important than whether to bring a child into the family? I had already decided their weddings are traditional Chinese affairs with the gender roles swapped: the couple is presented before the ancestors, and the Draknor, the oldest living female of the family line, blesses the union. For their culture a marriage is in essence a man becoming a member of his wife’s family, so adoption would be the only way a female could be brought into the family when she wasn’t born into it. When a man marries, he is no longer considered a part of his birth family, and his last name is hyphenated. However, culturally adoption is actually pretty common among the telepath families.
So then I have: ok, a ritual to invoke the ancestors, formally introduce Maria to them, and ask for their blessing to officially make Maria a member of the family. If you ask, there needs to be time to be silent and listen for an answer, or else perform a divination. There is another custom on the island where the new lady of Avalon does a nightly vigil at the tomb of her predecessor, so I felt a small vigil—at least, time alone at the ancestral shrine—made sense.
From a craft perspective, there is a rule that a scene should have more than one function. Having Maria be by herself and thinking (especially when the character is very action oriented) is a chance to explore her inner thoughts, but also a chance for her to hear ancestors and gods. The snippet I shared is only a part of the longer ritual, and from a craft perspective I have a bunch of stuff I am trying to sneak in.
When I decided to change the ritual from a menstrual rite, I realized how sexualized menstrual rites can be. Maybe its modern society that doesn’t have those coming of age rites for everyone, maybe it’s a reflection of our interpretation of ancient cultures that tends to overstate the roles of sexuality. (I think this is part of the “Sexy Beltaine” construction, which as paganism evolves is being shown the door). A menstrual rite is seen as a marker of when a girl is physically able to produce children, and is thus ready for sexual relationships. This is a male gaze. There are many steps in maturity a girl must take to enter adulthood besides being able to physically menstruate. There are some girls who don’t menstruate at all, and are no less women because of it. There is the feminist push back of menses being something to be celebrated and discussed as natural as opposed to being something to be ashamed of. But too often that can still fall back into the position of binaries. The Aliannon culture wouldn’t see it like that, and a rite has to make sense in the context of the culture it comes from.