This is written with the assumption the reader is a beginner Pagan who was raised in a Monotheistic religion or at least grew up in a society that saw Monotheism as the norm. This blog post confronts what I see as baggage brought in by the Monotheistic mindset, which in Paganism should be shown the door.
Not every god is going to want to work with you
Hard Polytheism is the belief gods are sovereign individuals, which means they can choose to not accept someone as a devotee. Gods are rarely interested having a close relationship with everyone who reaches out to them. Some are more open than others, some are very demanding of their people, and some are more selective than others.
Paganism is about relationships. Which means being clear about your boundaries but also accepting the boundaries placed by those you seek to form a relationship with. Forming relationships do take time, so don’t think that one ritual means being on the path to an oath. But if a reasonable amount of time has passed without response, it might be time to take a good hard look at why. You can do everything right—read the stories, make the correct offering, do the right ritual—and it just doesn’t come together.
First of all, don’t take it personally. There are times when people just don’t click. Gods may be greater than us, but they have enough humanity to have strengths and weaknesses. I think they are good at understanding what we need as opposed to what we want.
Or you could get a message to look elsewhere. Sometimes a god can be a gateway god. Things may not work out with them, but they guide you to the god you need. They should always be listened to as wiser than us although we are free to not do as they say.
There is a heart to relationships that work that is not always logical. Everyone knows some sort of odd couple in their lives. If ten years ago someone would have told me I was going to eventually be exploring a syncretic Norse/Celtic path I wouldn’t have believed them.
You don’t have to work with a god if you don’t want to, as long as all obligations/promises/oaths have been fulfilled
The flip side of this is being approached by a god you don’t want to work with. As a sovereign individual, you don’t have to. However, if there is a promise or an oath involved that is another topic. (Short version: be careful what you promise, attach an exit clause, and fulfill your obligations to avoid much hardship.) Although I will say divorce does happen but it comes with a price.
However, do think carefully before saying no. Have you done your research? Gods are complex and multifaceted. While you might not be comfortable working with one aspect or having one type of relationship, that doesn’t mean shutting the door completely. Make sure what makes you hesitate is true and not a product of misinformation. Is it something you have experienced personally that is leading you to be afraid of who reached out to you? Don’t be afraid to ask questions and lay some ground rules. Also, make sure to verify you are talking to who you think you talking to.
This is a good place to turn to divination, which will be the topic of a future post.