Ritual is a very important part of paganism, as it is a religion based on action rather than belief. Even with all the possible varieties of pagan ritual, there are some general guidelines as to the etiquette expected. When exploring different traditions and trying to decide whether to join a group, attending a ritual is a must. As we breathlessly await the return to normal life at the end of COVID (get your shot) there will be a day when we can safely meet other people again. When that day comes, here are some guidelines for behaving at a pagan ritual, whether it is completely public (the information is out there for anyone to attend) or by invitation.
Be Respectful and Polite
Honestly, if I was going to say one rule this would be it.
Arrive Early
This is simple mundane respect. Give yourself enough travel time if you need to find an unfamiliar place. If you arrive late you face the prospect of forcing someone hosting to have to break off and explain things. In some traditions if you arrive late there wouldn’t be a way to participate at all. While yes, pagans are famous for PST (Pagan Standard Time) don’t bet on the group starting late.
Speak With the Hosts About Any Special Needs
If you do require accommodations, try to contact the host ahead of time. That will also give you feel for how accommodating the group will be. If not, hopefully you can get a chance to introduce yourself and ask anything you need beforehand. This is another good reason to arrive early.
Bring a Donation
While I suspect potlucks are further away than public rituals, a donation of cash is always appreciated. There might be room rental fees, offerings, not to mention the time the hosts have to spend preparing and cleaning up the space after it is done. If you can’t donate money, maybe offer to help clean up or ask if the hosts require any assistance.
If you do offer help, don’t just leap in and start cleaning up when things are done. Get guidance as to what you can do. Altar set up and take down are especially sensitive—there might be some items that can only be touched by a member of the group or a specific person.
Ask Before Taking Any Photos
The best time would be before or after the ritual proper so you don’t disrupt anything. There might be a beautiful altar, but always ask. Not all people attending might be out, so be especially careful if you want to take pictures with people in them. Also get permission before sharing any photos on social media.
Follow Directions
While attending a ritual, you are a guest. Behave as such. If it’s a format or a type you’re not familiar with, go along. You can always ask the hosts questions later if you didn’t understand or something struck you as odd. With a few extreme exceptions, be open to something different (hopefully you’re going to a particular ritual because you already have an interest in the tradition or purpose). If the experience is negative, then you know not to attend that group’s rituals again.
Things You Should Look For
While you do want to give a good impression and try to learn as much as you can, this is also a chance to see a group in action. Doing a good group ritual is a skill that can require some practice. Seeing a group respond to wrinkle can also be good way to gauge how they are as a group. All details and history might not be clear at one ritual, but you should at least get a general sense of how the group flows together. Are they able to cover up so smoothly you barely notice anything? Or does it seem to fall a part if someone flubs their lines?
Do Hosts Greet you and Respond to Questions?
Yes, you should approach the host to clarify any questions and introduce yourself, but this does go both ways. A group open to new members should have someone in the role as a greeter, to welcome new attendees and offer any assistance. Some pagan groups can be very insular, but if they are hosting a public ritual its with the understanding new people might come. If no one greets you or acknowledges you even after a polite attempt, it might be a group to skip.
Are the Instructions for Observers and Participants clear?
Yes, obey directions, but the hosts need to communicate clearly as well. A good group will do a dress rehearsal when doing something completely new or refine their rituals with experience as they figure out what works. While I don’t mean to say something going wrong is a sign a group is terrible, it should be clear if hosts are going to invite members of the public they are prepared to guide participants who know nothing through what is expected of them.
A word to Trans, Non- Binary, Gender Non-conforming etc.
Gardnerian Wicca started out with a very gendered component, with strict roles for male and female participants. This had a large influence on other pagan traditions that formed. In my experience, most neo pagan groups are trending away from this, and a lot of reconstructed traditions have cultures without the same strict gender segregation. However, paganism is still very local, so a ritual with a gendered component would be easy to find. It is possible the hosts simply haven’t had much experience with non-cisgender individuals and haven’t thought through it. Unfortunately, as a whole pagans are generally more accepting of a range of sexualities than a range of gender identities. But it would be perfectly fine to ask the hosts if there is a gendered portion of the ritual and what it will be.
When Exploring, don’t be Afraid to go to Different Rituals
While a pagan gathering would be a great place to go see how different groups function in a small amount of time, that isn’t always practical for a beginner. When seeking go to different groups and see what appeals to you.